For Union, the hot flashes came in her early 40s: “I’d wake up in the morning and it was like someone had poured a gallon of water on the bed.” And then there was hair loss: “dime-size plugs falling out.” And weight gain: “I once went up 27 pounds [seemingly] overnight.” (Pregnancy speculation ensued on social media, says Union.)
The mental health impact of perimenopause has been perhaps the most difficult to manage, though. Union has also been open about having post-traumatic stress disorder after being raped at 19. “So I’ve had anxiety,” she says. “But this was different. I felt terror. And I’ve never had depression before, but I was feeling sad, deeply sad.”
Union experienced suicidal ideation, which people might not know how to identify. “It’s not necessarily saying you want to die, but when people are like ‘I just want to disappear.’ And you’re not thinking that’s suicidal,” she says. “But if those feelings get bigger and you have them longer, they can get away from you. And if you live alone or there’s not a steady stream of people around who can clock your changes, it can get dangerous.” Union notes that a woman is most likely to take her own life in middle age, between 45 and 64, according to the CDC. “If you look at some of the people we’ve lost, you wonder if they could have been saved with more information about how mental health can be impacted by menopause,” she says.
For many women in menopause, hormone replacement therapy — usually oral or transdermal estrogen plus progesterone — can help regulate physical and mental symptoms. For Union, relief came after she went on an anti-inflammatory diet several years ago: no gluten, no dairy, no alcohol, no caffeine. “It dramatically changed everything,” she says. “And I’m still on it… if you didn’t see me last night eating pizza on the street corner.” But when Union deviates from her diet, she feels it. “I’ll be drenched,” she says. “The hot flashes are the first thing to come back.” (But sometimes real cheese is worth it.)
Union’s M.O. is total transparency, both public — “I have a huge platform, and if I can share my outfits, I can also share things that make people feel less alone” — and private — “I try to give the people around me as much information as I’m aware of. The more I communicate, the more people are able to be empathetic and give Mommy a little space.” (Union has a 5-year-old daughter and three step-children with husband Dwyane Wade.)
